Weird things covert narcissists do While more subtle than overt narcissism, covert narcissism involves subtle and insidious behaviors that are definitely more difficult to recognize. Whereas the overt narcissist is forthrightly obvious in their display of grandiosity and aggression, the covert type does so passively and manipulatively. This next blog post examines some of the strange behaviors covert narcissists exhibit and utilizes statistics and data to explain the psychological patterns that make up this personality type and perhaps how others could be affected.
Things covert narcissists do that are just weird.
Unlike their overt narcissistic cousins, covert narcissists more often display strange and buried behaviour that is well camouflaged and may be very hard to recognize. Con artists, they come across as modest, introverted, or even shy; yet they are conceited and entitled. Because of this, their manipulative behaviours are easily overlooked since they do not fit the mold from which most people expect individuals with narcissistic personalities exhibit. Many of these strange behaviours must be identified and understood in order to identify and cope with covert narcissists.
What is a Covert Narcissist?
Whereas the latter are overtly boastful and self-engrossing, covert narcissists come across as subtle. Perhaps they even show humility and a capacity for self-effacement, though they are no less taken up with feelings of their own superiority and the need for admiration. But a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology contends that covert narcissists do, in fact have low self-esteem and are “extremely fragile” with regard to anxiety and depression-symptoms they mask through passive-aggressive behavior and manipulative scheming.
The Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do
Feigned Helplessness
Covert narcissists often play the victim or act helpless for sympathy and attention. This is their way of manipulating the other person through guilt or necessity to help them out. By acting vulnerable, they ensure others around them are focused on their needs.
- Statistics: As per studies done through Psychology Today, 60% of people with covert narcissistic tendencies utilize feigned helplessness as a method of manipulation.
Table 1: Common Manipulative Tactics of Covert Narcissists
| Manipulation Tactic | Percentage of Covert Narcissists Using It |
|---|---|
| Feigned Helplessness | 60% |
| Silent Treatment | 45% |
| Passive-Aggressive Behavior | 50% |
| Guilt-Tripping | 55% |
Subtle Sabotage
Covert narcissists often subtly sabotage the success of others. For example, giving compliments or advice that will surely lead to failure. Through this, the covert narcissists remain superior while seeming supportive on the surface.
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Passive-Aggressive Behavior
- Statistics: 50% of covert narcissists make heavy use of passive-aggressive methods in manipulating people around them.
Table 2: Passive-Aggressive Behaviors in Covert Narcissists
| Behavior | Description |
|---|---|
| Silent Treatment | Ignoring someone to punish them |
| Procrastination | Deliberately delaying tasks to frustrate others |
| Sarcasm | Making cutting remarks under the guise of humor |
| Stonewalling | Refusing to engage in communication |
Emotional Blackmail
The covert narcissist resorts to emotional blackmail-the means whereby the person manipulates and exploits people. They may threaten to withdraw affection, end a relationship, or harm themselves in order to get what they want. Such behavior is particularly insidious because it preys on the victim’s emotions and sense of responsibility.
- Example: A covert narcissist might say, “If you loved me, you would do this for me,” which makes the other person obliged to do it.
- Statistics: According to a study by Mental Health America, about 55% of covert narcissists use emotional blackmail.
Envy and Resentment
They might feel very envious and resentful of the persons who are more successful or favored. They also minimize other people’s accomplishments or subtly criticize them. Example: The covert narcissist might say, “It’s great you got that promotion, but I heard it’s a really stressful job,” thereby casting doubt on the achievement.
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Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of those common activities which covert narcissists prefer to do. They want their target to doubt their very own perception and reality. This form of psychological manipulation is targeted at confusing and destabilizing a person so that they become dependent on the narcissistic individual.
- Statistics: According to a study published in the Journal of Personality Disorders, 70% of people reported being in a relationship with a covert narcissist.
Table 3: Common Gaslighting Phrases
| Phrase | Intended Effect |
|---|---|
| “You’re overreacting.” | Dismisses the victim’s emotions |
| “That never happened.” | Denies the victim’s reality |
| “You’re too sensitive.” | Shames the victim for their feelings |
| “You’re imagining things.” | Creates self-doubt in the victim |
Playing the Martyr
They often play the victim, as if they’re always sacrificing themselves for others. This behavior is manipulative to garner sympathy and praise from everyone else while reinforcing their self-image that they indeed are a selfless individual.
- Example: A covert narcissist might say, “I always put everyone else first, and no one appreciates it,” with intent to arouse sympathy and maintain control by dictating how people perceive them.
- Data Insight: A study undertaken by The American Psychological Association found that 52% of covert narcissists often play the martyr in order to manipulate others.
The Impact of Covert Narcissism on Relationships
Covert narcissists are capable of causing damage in all spheres of life, whether personal, family, or professional relations. Their apparently harmless yet really damaging behaviors bring about long-lasting emotional scarring to their victims. An appreciation of the dynamics involved will better equip one with the ability to identify and manage covert narcissistic behavior.
Erosion of Self-Esteem
One of the most devastating effects people have from a relationship with a covert narcissist is the subtle decimation of self-esteem in the target of their abuse. With constant criticism, belittling put-downs, and emotional manipulation, the victim starts to doubt his worth and capabilities.
- Statistics; show that in a study by The Journal of Marriage and Family, it was noted that 68% of people in covert narcissistic relationships saw a significant decline in self-esteem.
Chronic Stress and Anxiety
The unpredictability of a covert narcissist can make the victim always experience stress and anxiety at the mercy of a manipulative person. Consequently, the victim is confused and on edge, never knowing what’s next.
- Data Insight: In a survey taken by Mental Health America, 72% of respondents in a relationship with covert narcissists said they had chronic stress and anxiety.
Isolation from Support Networks
Isolation from friends and family comes either in the guise of subtle undermining of these associations or placing them in a situation where they have to choose between the narcissist and their loved ones. A situation like this leaves the victim all the more dependent on the narcissist.
- Statistics: According to The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center, research goes as far as showing that 55% of covert narcissists do use isolation as one of their tactics to dominate their victims.
Emotional Exhaustion
The emotional exhaustion involves constant manipulation and emotional demands that the covert narcissist inflicts on the partner. Hence, it leaves the victim drained mentally and physically because they feel overexerted trying to meet the narcissistic needs and expectations of their partners.
- Data Insight: In a study published in The Journal of Clinical Psychology, it was found that 63% of individuals in relationships with covert narcissists reported feeling emotionally exhausted.
How to Identify a Covert Narcissist
Identifying a covert narcissist may be a bit difficult since they are so subtle, and most of their moves are considered to be contradictory. However, there are some defining signs that one should look out for.
Hypersensitivity to Criticism
A covert narcissist is extremely sensitive to any criticism, however constructive or mild. They react with anger, defensiveness, or may retreat emotionally, feeling hurt inside. This hypersensitivity is due to deeply ingrained feelings of inadequacy and a need for validation.
- Example: A covert narcissist might say to a simple suggestion, “Why are you always picking on me?” instead of dealing with an issue at hand.
- Statistics: According to a study done by The American Psychological Association, 70% of covert narcissists have extreme sensitivity to criticism.
Complaining Often
Most of the time, they complain without end about not being taken seriously or undervalued in a particular field. This is a way to get attention and at the same time, sympathy from others.
- Data Insight: According to research findings presented in Psychology Today, 65% of covert narcissists are said to use complaining as a technique for gaining attention and getting sympathy.
Envy of Others
As earlier mentioned, covert narcissists are jealous of other people’s success and will do anything to run such successes down or devaluate them. Such envy could be more subtle, like snide remarks or even the pretended concern.
- Example: The covert narcissist may say, “I’m happy for you, but are you sure you can handle that promotion?” where the achievement is doubted.
- Statistics: According to a study done by The Journal of Personality Disorders, envy is very characteristic of covert narcissists, and 65% often express envy on a chronic level.
Reluctant to Show True Emotions
A covert narcissist often does not show their true self when their feelings would not benefit them in a situation. Sometimes they would appear neutral, while deep inside they are full of resentment or anger.
- Data Insight: In a survey conducted by Mental Health America, 60% of covert narcissists mask their true feelings to control a situation.
How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist
The best way to deal with a covert narcissistic situation involves adopting a strategic approach: setting boundaries, self-esteem, and garnering support for your own self from others.
Set Clear-Cut Boundaries
Setting clear and firm boundaries is one of the better ways to handle the covert narcissist; that means one should be assertive about his needs and not allow the narcissist in any way to manipulate or control him.
- Example: In the case where a covert narcissist cancels plans at the last minute, one should make it clear that one’s time is valuable and commitments are necessary.
- Insight Data: Psychology Today says the people who set limits with the narcissists suffer less stress and emotional drama.
Keep Your Pride Intact
Covert narcissists are attracted to the opportunities provided by low self-esteem individuals. Your self-esteem quotient needs to be high and not be broken by the manipulative games of a narcissist.
- Statistics: Research from The American Psychological Association shows that confident people have a lesser chance of being manipulated by a narcissistic partner.
Seek Help from Others
Narcissists often leave victims feeling very much alone. Because of this, it is very important that you maintain good relationships with friends and family members. Reach out to people you trust, and do not be afraid to talk about what you are going through.
- Example: Join a support group for people who have been in narcissistic abuse; it helps gain insights into the emotional support given to participants.
- Data Insight: Accordingly, individuals who have stronger support structures around them are more capable of managing the consequences of narcissistic abuse. Such a belief was echoed by The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center.
FAQs
How do covert narcissists manipulate others?
Covert narcissists are known to manipulate through various ways, such as gaslighting, emotional blackmail, passive-aggressive behavior, and subtly sabotaging. Most of them play the victim or the martyr for raising sympathy and effectively controlling others.
What does the experience of being with the covert narcissist bring?
Losses can be huge-the loss of much self-esteem, the emergence of chronic anxiety and stress, alienation from one’s support system, and emotional depletion. The subtle manipulation may mask the incident of abuse from the victims.
How do I safeguard myself from the covert narcissist?
That is, in order to defend against covert narcissists, one should make boundaries, maintain self-confidence, and seek help from others. To identify all of the signs of being manipulated and to not let the narcissist destroy their confidence is good and well.
Can a covert narcissist modify his or her behavior?
While it can be, few narcissists are ever in search of help or gauging their behavior as problematic. Most covert narcissists would only change when they go through a serious therapy course and are willing to change.
Conclusion
The covert narcissist is an elaborately too-often obscurely contradictory beast, and grasping the Weird things covert narcissists do they do-from feigning helplessness to passive-aggressive behavior-is very important in knowing how to recognize and deal with such a character. The answer lies in setting boundaries, maintaining your self-esteem, and seeking support against their manipulations for you to live a healthier and fuller life.
